


Your Mistakes and Mine

by faedemon



Category: HLVRV, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Character Study, Disabled Character, Friendship, Gen, Missing Scene, anyway. this is fanfiction of fancontent of original content derived from an existing video game, hoo boy!, rip to all of us that ao3 hasnt separated it from the hlvrai tag yet, sorry to the half-life fans just trying to peruse the tag, this takes place at night between day 3 and day 4, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26128141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faedemon/pseuds/faedemon
Summary: He doesn’t really know why he’s asking. He and Swap had been at odds since they first arrived—some combination of his own bad attitude and Swap’s bad memories butting heads. They don’t like each other. They’re not friends.(But he thinks, too, of the messages teasing Swap about his crush, and how Kittle had told them to lay off without thinking about it. He thinks of when the messages had been pressinghimabout the incident with Loverboy’s necklace, and how Swap had saidEasy, Kittle,and he’d cooled off so quickly.)
Relationships: Kittle | Malcom Challender & Swap | Roleswap Gordon Freeman
Comments: 16
Kudos: 46





	Your Mistakes and Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bimothra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bimothra/gifts).



> so this is fanfiction for year2000electronics/bimothra's (tumblr/ao3) hlvrai au [HLVRV](https://hlvrv.tumblr.com/)!! i saw someone ask if we were allowed to make fanfic for mothra's AUs and they said yes and i went ham.
> 
> here are the posts referenced in the fic: [lay off](https://hlvrv.tumblr.com/post/627099429594415104/swap-honey-i-think-you-should-ask-loverboy), [easy kittle](https://hlvrv.tumblr.com/post/627100301455949825/kittle-you-sure-you-didnt-get-infected-by-that)
> 
> kittle and swap are both from their own AUs (hlvrv is like a spiderverse-esque deal) and they both have fanfics that can be found on bimothra's ao3! take a look :)
> 
> this takes place during the night between day 3 and day 4 and i wrote it because i love kittle so fucking much

It’s dark.

The facility is small, but not quite small enough to feel claustrophobic, and they haven’t been here long enough to really get used to the place. Still, with everyone else sprawled around on the lobby floor, asleep, it feels cramped enough. Malcom— _Kittle_ , he’s Kittle here—sits squished against the arm of one of the chairs, knees tucked up to his chest. The HEV suit creaks a little as he scrunches in on himself.

It’s—odd, being in Gordon Freeman’s body. Or, Player’s body, he supposes. If he were someone different, maybe he’d be more freaked out by how he misjudges heights and distances sometimes, those few inches between his height and Player’s tripping him up. Or maybe he’d be more momentarily confused, passing by a mirror. The glowing lines that trek across his cheeks and spread outward when he’s upset might cause him some concern.

But no—what really gets him, what he doesn’t stop marveling at each waking moment of the day, is that Player’s body is _normal_.

Player’s aches and pains are minimal, just some mild lower back pain. He doesn’t slouch. He doesn’t get tired. His hips, legs, don’t _hurt_. He can walk as long as he wants before he decides to sit down.

Kittle doesn’t dislike that he’s a wheelchair user—he got over that kind of self-hate; for the most part, anyway. He’s accepted the limitations of his body and made the most of what changes he _could_ make. He’s… well, he’s not very happy in general, but he’s not bitter like he used to be.

And that makes it worse, almost, to wake up in Player’s body every day and not have to calculate his movements. _Can I make it to the bathroom with the energy I have now? Is it worth it to go into the kitchen for food?_ He doesn’t have to think about it. He does anyway; it’s ingrained in him and has been for years, and the reminder every time the thought crosses his mind, that he can just get up without even worrying, strikes a discordant note in his gut.

Across the room, he can see Swap, whose glowing eyes blink in the darkness as he tries and fails to pretend to sleep, checking every few minutes to see if the night is over yet. Even three days in (and however long he spent with his Science Team), he hasn’t quite gotten the hang of the human sleeping pattern.

 _I guess I can’t really expect him to ever get the hang of it,_ Kittle thinks. _He’s not human._

It’s hard to look at Swap, sometimes. He’s so similar to Benrey.

“Hey,” Kittle calls out softly into the dark room, cringing reflexively, praying none of the rest of them wake up—why wouldn’t they go back to their rooms to sleep like normal people? They already had one sleepover.

Swap sits up immediately, which is kind of unsettling. His eyes settle on Kittle without having to adjust, like the dark doesn’t bother him at all. “Yes?”

“Did you want me to show you some more video games?”

He doesn’t really know why he’s asking. He and Swap had been at odds since they first arrived—some combination of his own bad attitude and Swap’s bad memories butting heads. They don’t like each other. They’re not friends.

(But he thinks, too, of the messages teasing Swap about his crush, and how Kittle had told them to lay off without thinking about it. He thinks of when the messages had been pressing _him_ about the incident with Loverboy’s necklace, and how Swap had said _Easy, Kittle,_ and he’d cooled off so quickly.)

Swap says “yes” shyly, and so Kittle waves him over, wondering all the while what’s making him want to invite someone so close.

It’s a very particular feeling, playing games on the admins’ shitty consoles, Swap sitting next to him, the volume low and the glow of the screen all that’s illuminating the room. It calls up that old nostalgia from when he was younger—of staying up far past his bedtime, playing with his DS Lite and hiding it under his pillow whenever Mom came to check on him. Except this time, there’s someone with him.

Swap is a much different person than Benrey, no matter how similarly they dress. Swap is meeker, more insistent on blending in (no matter how bad he is at it). He listens so intensely to Kittle’s explanations, and focuses on the screen like there’s nothing more interesting in the world. Benrey had always been… looser, giggling absently at whatever cool trick Kittle showed him next. He wasn’t as focused. He was a different person.

Kittle sighs softly, looking away from Swap, back to the screen. He keeps drawing comparisons between them, like being nice to Swap will make up for how much Kittle must have scared Benrey. They’re not the same person. Growth doesn’t equate atonement.

“Kittle?” Swap’s voice takes him out of his pondering.

“What?”

“…can you help?”

He looks, and Swap’s character is stuck in a _comedically_ stupid position, one that Kittle’s not even sure how he managed to get into. After he takes the controller and fiddles for a bit, he realizes that Swap managed to get himself stuck halfway clipped into the environment.

“You’re a little gamebreaker in the making, aren’t you?” Kittle says, cackling a little to himself. “Alright, hold tight for a sec.”

At least for now, while he’s here, Kittle can do this much. It doesn’t fix what he did to the AIs, but… well. 

Hopefully, when he gets back, he’ll be a good enough person to make it right.

**Author's Note:**

> how are we doing tonight year2000electronics nation
> 
> hlvrv is my current Fixation and kittle is my absolute favorite and what i do when i am fixated on things is write fic for them so... here we are. mothra i really hope you enjoy this! thank u for making your AUs they are so fun to read and enjoy
> 
> lmk what you think in the comments! <3


End file.
